My Bali trip has been off and then on and then off and then on again. The first cancellation was to accommodate a job interview in San Francisco. The second booking was avoided due to bad weather. There were a few other mental misfires as well – many Delta search scenarios were run. Finally, the weather looked good, the Skymiles redemption miles looked decent, and it was time to go. Instead of booking to leave immediately, I decided to wait a few days and finish out the week in SF. Such uncharacteristic restraint. I decided to break up the trip with a stopover in Japan. All was set.

The Bali of my memories was beautiful, natural, uninhabited. All 48 hours of it (clearly enough to be an expert). I arrived late at night and was shuttled over to a beautiful resort in Jimbaran Bay. I ventured out a bit to Seminyak and other areas for southern Bali nightlife. The missing pieces in my imagination had been filled with stories from my friends’ past trips, including an over-the-top celebrity Indonesian wedding of a high school friend where the bride and groom had flown some of our friends out to Bali on a private jet from the U.S. I wish I had been invited to that one! Damn. Yes, my view was extremely distorted.

My arrival in Bali this time around was a rude awakening.

The end of Ramadan holidays were in full force, and the airport was nuts. The roads were even crazier. Heart sinking. People, please leave my island! I had booked the Sheraton Four Points in Kuta with SPG points, and I was horrified as my taxi crawled into the belly of the beast. All that is unappealing about Southeast Asian travel (for me) is embodied by Kuta Beach – congested and loud, full of tourists (JAM PACKED), lots of kitschy shops, hordes of drunken 20-something foreigners, many lewd slogan on t-shirts for sale. Insufferable. So I quietly tucked myself away into my nice hotel and only left briefly to go to the spa next door for massages to revive my tired limbs and spirit. It worked. In spite of all of this, I was still feeling blissful about being on this magical island. I just knew I had to get out of Kuta.

So I spent a good part of my first night plotting my escape. I Whatsapp’d a friend I had made in Bali in 2012, and he invited me to a birthday party in the Gili Islands near Lombok the next day. I’d have to wake up at 6am, and he would check with the driver and the ferry bookings… Uh, okay! Why not? The next morning was punctuated with tense texts as we tried to find a boat for me. Alas, all the ferries out were fully booked due to high season. I was relieved actually. I had only slept 3 hours and was kind of a mess. I don’t know that I really felt like partying or talking to people I don’t know well for days (Gili is far away). I didn’t want to have to be “on” or not have an escape. But…I had to get the F out of Kuta ASAP!

I settled on Ubud in Central Bali, the cultural heart of Bali and the epicenter of Eat Pray Love (no impact on my decision – seriously). I would go for 2 nights and visit some rice terraces and spa it up. Ubud also happens to be the hub of the artsy expat scene and, it turns out, startup tech scene in Bali.

I booked a hotel called The Mansion Baliwood Resort on Orbitz, which ended up being kind of far from the center of town (as planned) and just straight up hilarious. WTF, I didn’t even realize that was the full name! The entire time I was there, I was convinced that I was on the set of a Wes Anderson movie. Seriously, Wes could just show up tomorrow and start filming with some minor modifications. Picture over-the-top gilded everything, all the staff in costume, and almost comically Balinese statues on overly manicured and yet slightly dilapidated grounds. Drapery everywhere. Lots of teals, purples, and Wes Anderson movie set-like colors. Many pools. A serious art gallery upstairs in the main building with chandeliers that no one visited. A big, imposing entrance gateway (now, what do they need that for in the middle of nowhere?). I won’t even get into the rooms! Actually very pretty, but just not my style.

And now I needed to plot my escape from my escape from my escape. I also spent a fair bit of time wondering why I insist on being such a difficult and hard-to-please person. Sometimes I can’t get out of my own way. Multiple layers of frustration colliding. Uh-oh.

I looked on Google Maps and found a restaurant nearby called Moksa. I had no idea what it was exactly, but it had a lot of Google reviews. I walked through some rice fields in the dark using my iPhone light and hoping I wouldn’t get raped or murdered. Fortunately, I quickly ended up at Moksa, where I…sort of had the best meal of my life. At least the best unplanned meal of my life. Raw vegan and super delicious. It was so good that I asked the chef for a cooking lesson and decided to stay an extra night in Ubud.

Over the course of ~5 hours, I learned about the basics of raw foods (e.g., the principles, key ingredients, natural binders, thickeners), and we made: lemongrass ginger tonic, green smoothie, coconut cream, coconut kefir, cashew cheese, pumpkin crackers/bread, “samosas”, coconut crepes (for summer rolls, raviolis, spring rolls, samosas), chocolate cake with a date and oat crust, Asian zucchini pasta, some snacks, etc. It was a lot of work and required some serious equipment like a Vitamix, food processor, and dehydrator.

Redemption!

I’ve been eating mostly vegan + eggs during the Bali segment of this trip, and I feel great. I did a few touristy things as well, like checking out some temples. And some cute dogs at the temple…oops, sorry I woke you up!

I stayed in central Ubud last night at a place called Sarinubud. I booked it on AirBNB and was perfect and simple, with my room overlooking the rice fields.

It’s part of a cluster that includes Hubud, which is kind of like the WeWork of Bali, and near the Monkey Forest, where there are literally a bazillion monkeys. Like I don’t even get how there are so many of them there just chilling and crossing the street, eating bananas, and hanging all over people. It’s just bizarre. And so many babies! Swarms of baby monkeys in busy congested central Ubud.

I woke up this morning torn about whether to leave but ready to head back to the coast today. Alas, all the shuttle buses were booked. All for the best. The universe is telling me to slow down. Today is the first day where I feel zero need to do anything and feel okay about it. Just being. I don’t care about doing anything touristy. I went to the post office to try to mail something. I got a massage. I moved my stuff to a different room at the hotel. I FaceTimed. Coffee. Nothing else. And I’m finally happy. I’m seeing beauty in places where I previously saw nothingness. I’m particularly noticing all the gorgeous and delicate offerings that line the streets here. These offerings include everything from flowers to Mentos to Ritz crackers and rice. The intricacy that comes from these creations and the dedication to the ritual is incredibly beautiful.

There is a fine but sometimes strong distinction between the pursuit of pleasure and the pursuit of happiness. I spend a lot of time of the former but very little time on the latter. I’m getting it. Progress.

(Also, a thank you to my friend Liz for recommending the book, “When Things Fall Apart” by Pema Chodron. I passed out last night during the first chapter from an odd feeling that I can only describe as a mixture of relief, surrender, safety, and the satisfaction being understood by someone who doesn’t even know I exist. I think it’s called wellbeing. Also, I was tired from having such a large stick so far up my ass for so many days.)