One of the things I definitely wanted to do while in Bali was to go surfing. I’ve surfed twice before, once in Costa Rica and once in New York in the Rockaways. Spending the last few days hanging out with surfers, I’ve realized surfing is a mentality and that there is serious self-selection in those who decide to pursue it as a lifestyle. They’re people who’ve tried living other types of lives, maybe even holding “real jobs,” but they can’t live without the ocean and without waves. It’s a kind of religion. Everything is given up for surfing in an almost fatalistic kind of way. Weather conditions and tides are studied scientifically, as is the ocean in all its finer details. There’s a fair bit of partying and a “let it go, come what may” attitude towards life. People help each other out. Major activities other than surfing involve plenty of relaxation, partying, and watching the sunset with beers – a different beach every night.

The people I’ve met are not like the more polished people I tend to hang out with generally. People face hardships in life no matter what their backgrounds are, as you can’t avoid sickness and loss of fortune, but it all seems to be a lot more volatile. I met one Australian guy last night who moved to Bali in the 70s to surf. Another guy I met from Peru had been involved in all sorts of crazy stuff and told one story about how he had been kidnapped and to escape, he had jumped off a cliff into freezing cold water towards a boat he had glimpsed in the distance. When the kidnappers started firing shots into the water, the boat retreated, and the only thing he could do was to swim to some rocky cluster in the distance. Obviously, he survived. I generally get the sense that surfers have more lives than many of us. Just from the near death experience stories I’ve heard, this is what I’ve surmised. Then again, I also heard from one English teacher/surfer about how he found a dead surfer in the waters of Jimbaran a few weeks ago and had to talk to the guy’s parents… For me, I realized there is a freeing and untethering element to surfing that becomes part of your personality, and that is appealing to me in a way. You do have to let go a lot. I haven’t figured out how to be uptight yet, but I feel things loosening.

Kuta, Seminyak, and Canggu are the major tourist centers of surfing in Bali, but those who take it seriously seem to live mostly in the Bukit peninsula. Uluwatu, Impossibles, Balangan, Bingin, Padang Padang. Many many places to surf around here.

Surfing isn’t really very difficult. You can get up on the board and manage the basics. But it takes years to master and get even halfway decent. The very first time I went surfing in Costa Rica, the very first wave, I got up. After that time, it’s been somewhat catastrophic. I’m scared of the water, and I’m not a great swimmer. Part of my quest to surf is about facing my fears and about shining a light on dark spots to make them a bit brighter or at least known.

I showed up at Padang Padang and greeted my instructor Kik. We paddled out pretty far, and we were off! He told me to just go for it, and I was freaked out. Waves are scary. What I realized though is that you can do it if your mind is clear, and you’re focused. Like much of life, it really comes down to your mental state. You have to commit, surrender, let go, and clear your mind. It’s a certain form of meditation. You can’t get frustrated with yourself because you will likely suck pretty seriously for a while before it clicks.

I was out there for 2 hours, and I realized a few key changes for myself. I’ve become much more self-forgiving. Every time I wiped out, I thought “oh well,” and paddled back out there with a big smile on my face, terrified but ready for the next round. That’s pretty huge for Miss Perfectionist me. In the past, when I’m not good at something, I often give up on it right away to avoid that feeling of vulnerability. Or if it’s something I absolutely have to do, I brutalize myself and whip myself mercilessly (but figuratively) until I get good. Self-punishment is so miserable and yet it can be highly effective.

What I also realized about myself is that my mind is scattered in a million different directions, and I need to center myself. I need to sit in silence and hone my meditation practice more fully.

I’m glad I didn’t go the self-punishment route and sign myself up for the 7-day 4 hours/day surf camp. Old me would have definitely done that. Two hours was enough, and maybe if I feel like it, I’ll try another 2 hours. We’ll take it slowly, steadily, in two hour increments, with a feeling of joy rather than the whip.