The weather couldn’t be better.

I love all my friends.

But I’m all happy and miserable, and I feel like there are loud echoes in my head. Too much noise. It’s so loud in my brain.

I’ve been drowning that out with alcohol. Maybe it’s all the ghosts of my past selves reappearing. Maybe it’s just habitual. It could just be the abundance of food and drink options.

I love NYC, but it’s hard to be back.

If I stay, I need to build something new and depart from the old ways of being. Become self-affirming rather than self-destructive. There are too many layers weighing me down.

I’ll start with sobriety.