The other day, I was in NYC and asked a friend if I seemed at all different. “Have I changed at all in the past few months?” I asked, hoping he would remark on my amazing transformation since I quit my job in May.
“No,” he laughed. “You are EXACTLY the same. In fact, I think you complain even more now!” he boomed.
“Why is life so hard?!” I wailed mockingly (multiple times) in response while towing all my crazy luggage behind me.
Well, I feel different on the inside, OK?!
Thank you. Thank you to everyone who has supported me through this ecstatic and tumultuous period of my life, of me becoming something. Me becoming more me.
I can’t even properly count the thank-yous, but here’s a short-ish list.
Luxicle, you CRAZY! Thanks for putting up with my ranting and instability and for forcing me to leave one state of unhappiness. I promise I will rebuild myself into a better human. I’m sorry I can’t be happy all the time. Our regular FaceTime chats help. Love you, BFF.
Thank you, Meims, for being the busiest superhuman in the world and yet having the time to take red pen to my resume and for flying me out to visit you in Telluride. I’m sorry I was too tired to work on the pharma proposal with you and that I’m a sassy and grumpy woman.
Lizabeta, your house/spa revived me like no other. The two weeks of doing absolutely nothing in your house except eating salami and watching TV was magic. Also, I just feel happy when you’re around. The worry just seems to go away.
Lily, why are you always a magic fairy that appears in times of distress to help? I will never forget how kind you were to me post-breakup (first time, with the relationship, and second time, with work).
Vicky, Mark, Jon, Devin, Alex, Melanie, Lux, Vicky, Jake, Liz, Lindsey – thank you for welcoming me into your home or helping me find housing arrangements. This bohemian thing has been exciting but tiring, and your support has warmed me from the inside.
Jujube – thanks for being you. I’m serious that I’m just happy knowing that people like you really exist.
Sophie and Kate – I can’t believe how long we’ve been friends for, and it makes me feel safe and solid to think about the duration of our friendship and knowing you’re around.
Ashish – you are a great friend. I’m so glad we were both late to our first day orientation and managed to become friends for life.
Miggy – you are my guardian angel always. Always always. I can count on you to support me and have my interests at heart. Thank you for hosting me in Whistler and for giving me the courage to try to be happy in such a gentle way.
Angel – you’re so much more than my house cleaner. Thank you for giving me a pep talk before I went into my big meeting with the CEO. For jumping to help me with a logistics / housing issue while I was away. I hope you take care of yourself because you work way too hard, and you’ve had some bad luck.
John L – you’re an endless fount of useful information and guidance, and even though you make me insane, I do love you. On a practical level, you’ve helped me with international travel stuff and also, you’re the reason why I’m going to Hacker Paradise in the fall.
RentHop – thank you for dealing with my nomadism and letting me store all my shit in your space. Also, I have consumed at least 50,000 calories on your / TwoSigma’s tab, so thanks for the “nutrition” too.
Diana / Josephine – if you need two therapists like I do, you’ve been crucial to me making the right choices up until now.
Jon G – why are you so funny and annoying at the same time? Thank you for offering to let me stay at your place for a bazillion dollars and simultaneously asking me to marry you. Also, I don’t know why, but you feel like family.
Nora, Sophie, Sam, Peter, Alessandra, Bearmans – seriously, you are still my family. Thanks for the chats and also for trying to help me get a job.
“Kelly” – thanks for making me feel like I might one day fall in love again.
Bob – congrats on being so awesome, killing it at work, and all the solo flying stuff. Let’s fly to LA together! Your daughter is super cute, and I hope we get to hang out more.
Saurabh – thanks for the invitation to the Himalayas and for listening. And for the cool photos. Sorry I cut you out of my life for a while. I don’t even know. Interpersonal dynamics can be difficult to manage.
Bali surfer crew, you make me laugh and feel happy.
Heather B, I wish I could be in NYC so we can farmer’s market shop together and act like grannies. Thanks for being such a good listener.
Tom, Mark, Kristine, Danny, Julie, Heather, Wendy, Dan, Felix, Eric – thanks for being more than co-workers and for the chats after I left.
Maanster – you look amazing at your wedding, and all your friends are so cool (like you). If I ever get married, I kind of want to have an Indian wedding. I hope you don’t mind if I just copy-paste yours.
Rick – thanks for offering me a job.
LeWhit – I wish I could be cool enough to hang out with your dad in the Hamptons or in NYC. I’ll write him when I’m back. Thanks for the lunches, walks, and zenness. You are one of the most authentic and yet hipster people I know. It makes me believe that being a hipster is not an affectation after all. Good luck with the movie shooting!
Ruben – thanks for the good times and for getting me an interview at your company. I’m sorry I can be such a B.
Phil – thanks for telling me not to stay long after quitting and for having lunch with me.
Joe – thanks for meeting with me in SF and for connecting me to Paul in Japan.
Shane – thanks for all the open invitations to things and the AirBNB referral. I have tried 200 different ways to get a job there, and none of them seem to work.
Meggie Sue – Vicky said you were in touch and that you carried our family albums over the years and still have them. I never thought I would ever see those again. That made me cry a little. Thank you.
Ali, Ella, Lauren – we never see each other, but I always feel the love.
Honestly, the list would not end, and I’m getting tired. I do feel grateful for this moment in time and to everyone who’s paid me any kindness. The periodic smiles. Connections. Human warmth is appreciated, and it’s been an adventure.
BIG HEART. I am so crazy tired, but I feel so lucky.