Last night, the wind was howling. The hotel was swaying ever so slightly. There was a typhoon overhead. Many of my Hacker Paradise mates were over at the other hotel, gathered to play Cards Against Humanity and drink.

I had devoured some “beef on the rice” in my room, splayed on my bed, chopsticks bobbing between kim chi containers, dyed yellow tart radishes, and my beef bowl. Then I went on a snack run to 7/11 and devoured my purchases.

Then, there was little else to do except waffle around.

There was no part of me tempted to join the crowd. As an introvert, I’ve been feeling a bit burnt out on group interactions and craving the one-on-one deep connections. The universe does conspire to give you what you need sometimes. Before long, someone was contacting me directly on Slack, and we were talking about stupid stuff like cheeseburgers, sojus, and fur coats. Dumb stuff but still a more comfortable interaction zone for me.

At midnight, I promptly passed out. 2am rolled around and the typhoon was in full force. I wondered if anyone was dying or injured out there. Were the 24-hour coffee shops open?

This morning, I stayed in bed a bit. I felt weird. I talked to my friend Ashish, and it felt good to connect in that way. He taught me a really profound meditation that simulates preparing yourself for death. I let go of all possessions, memories, sense of self…I felt all these things leaving me. I was filled with such peace, such quietude. It was profound.

When I let go of the sense of sight, I thought of my ex-boyfriend and how he used to look at me. No one has ever ever loved me that much. And then I started to sob uncontrollably. It was good.

I wonder if I’ll stop writing such emo posts at some point. Jebus, I hope so.