It’s quiet this morning, as it is every morning here. I woke up at 4am thinking about my 9:30am call. 3 hours of sleep. The water flow from the infinity pool hasn’t turned on yet. The birds are chirping, and out from the open air living room area of my villa, the sun’s coming up slowly.

This has been my home for the past 10 days, looking out into this view from here, my 5-bedroom duplex villa.

The mornings and breakfast bleed into a walk to the beach and a slow meandering lunch. Sitting in silence, I’ll find myself fading into the distance thinking. Then Jay and I will tell each other stories about life, prattle on about UI design options, or just sit in silence. Yesterday, I cried in front of him. A week ago, he was still a stranger. (More on that later.) Often, he’s wrapped in a red towel on the couch as I hang off the L piece of the sectional. The conversation moves from dating to family to our self-realizations and then to the seesaw between doing something and doing nothing. Dinner. Sleep. Repeat.

We’re on a little island in Thailand called Ko Pha Ngan, known for the wild full moon parties, attended by up to 30,000 people. The full moon supermoon coming up on November 14 is the biggest moon we’ve seen since 1948! The active debate is whether to stay for the full moon party or to see the Lantern Festival in Chiang Mai.

The first time I heard about this island was sitting in a trendy hair salon (Suite 303 by April Barton) in the Chelsea Hotel. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin as my beautiful and too-cool-for-school stylist Stephanie gave me the best haircut of my life. I wasn’t good at small talk, and I kind of sunk into myself and listened to her. I She told me about her boyfriend and the most amazing place she’s ever lived/been to, Ko Pha Ngan. I believe it was when I was planning my trip to Thailand back in 2009 or 2010…yes, that makes sense.

She lit up immediately as she told me that the island was a naturally spiritual place. She talked (gushed) about the full moon parties, and I could see her transported to a place and time when she wasn’t squished and running around hurried on the NYC streets and giving $200 haircuts. It seemed like freer and happier times. She spent 6 months learning massage and getting her yoga teacher certification. I think she fell in love. At least my memory recalls the shadow of connection.

After some searching, I just found a follow up email she sent me confirming I didn’t imagine this whole interaction:

Hey Grace,
How are you?
The island I stayed on was Koh Pha-ngan
From  Bangkok, fly to Koh Samui (less than 1 hour flight)
From Samui airport, take shuttle to ferry towards Koh Pha-ngan
You’ll arrive in Haadrin..
I stayed at Sunset Cliff…I also recommend bamboo hut or the sanctuary if youre looking for more seclusion. Those are on different parts of the island, in which you’d have totake a taxi boat.
If you stay in Haadrin, its cute, lots of stuff to do.
Go see Ella at CHAKRA traditional thai massage.. sooo good.
Have a great time, and safe travels. Email me if you have any other questions!!!

Cant wait to hear all about it..
Hopefully see you at the new space!

x Stef

These are the pieces I remember from our conversation back then. It’s funny too thinking about me back then. I was 28, self-conscious, basically married, and working at a hedge fund. Unrecognizable to current me.

I’ve kept this conversation, the draw of Ko Pha Ngan, with me over the years, and I have thought about it from time to time wondering if I would see the magic. Now that I’m here, I really do. It has been a week of quiet, healing, detox. Letting go of shoulds. Clearing out the ricocheting thoughts and voices that mute the feelings of wanting.

I have a fair number of work goals for the week, and yet, I really do want to let all responsibility go to listen to myself and to the island.

UPDATE:

Ooh, I just wrote my old hairdresser Stefani, and her quick reply!

Wow!

Thanks for connecting! So great to hear from you!

Im missing the island so much!
Please give it some love for me and soak up all the magic!

Congrats on freedom too!

Soaking time. And there it is again, unprompted – MAGIC!