Race is a hard thing to talk openly about in America. There is always the sense of treading carefully, making sure not to offend, and speaking while trying to see things from another side’s perspective that you couldn’t possibly understand.

I woke up this morning and opened Facebook. “Asian American Are Now Being Targeted for Harassment After Donald Trump’s Victory.” The rhetoric around Trump’s ascendance is becoming unproductive. Hellooooo, we’ve been targeted for a long time. Those same people did not become racists overnight. This is not the first time they’ve told someone to go back to their country. Now they’re just adding the tagline, “Trump is president now” to validate it. They were racists before. That is the problem. Trump is not to blame for their racism. This us-against-them polarizing rhetoric is not the way to make progress in our country. There are more structural issues at play that needs to be addressed, not through lobbying barbs and calling each other stupid and hateful. With the exception of some of the socio- and psychopaths among us (whatever the clinical distinction is among them), I do believe people have the best intentions but maybe lack the perspective. That perspective – articulating it in a way the other side can not only understand, but feel.

I’ve been called a “chink,” “gook,” and all sorts of names, including hilariously, “Connie Chung,” which became my shameful nickname in elementary school. The number of times I’ve been told to go back to my country or questioned around my English comprehension skills are literally countless. People hate. They feel low. They look for targets. Asians can be good targets because we are this supposed “model minority,” and we are less likely (it may seem) to fuck you up. (Okay, I did actually beat up on the boys who said shit to me in elementary and middle school.)

In an earlier blog post, I recounted my move from New York to Boston. One of the most formational aspects of that move was my first real encounter with racism. And there were many more incidents to come. I grew ashamed of being Asian and sought to copy my white friends and family, emulate their every move, their thoughts, their beliefs.

People regularly tell me to go back to my country. That’s not new. The constant “ni haos” and “konichiwa” (or even “anyong!” sometimes) yelled at me as I walk down the street. This doesn’t phase me at all. There was the guy who told me to learn English in the subway (errrr…I’m a comp lit major). There was the drunk Harvard student yelling horrible racial slurs at me when I was in high school while I sobbed in the T station and his friends apologized profusely. Of course, to this day, people sometimes put their fingers on the outer corners of their eyes and pull, making some kind of nasal sound. Is that what Asian people sound like? Some of my friends do this, not realizing that it’s offensive. I choose to ignore it and not make a big deal out of it.

Yes, it hurts. It feels horribly unfair. It’s not good to just accept it, but the way I see it is that you cannot let it get you down. The best way to fight back is to rise above it.

I remember talking about race in the classroom and feeling so frustrated because sometimes I felt that I had no right to speak or to claim to understand. I had opinions, but I somehow had very little voice except to speak for my own experiences. Without empathy and dialogue though, how can we make progress?

This is a complicated issue. There are historical, social, economic, and very structural aspects of race politics in America (and the world). I feel that we’ve taken a step backwards…or maybe it’s illuminated some of the existing issues in greater relief. The answer though isn’t to further polarize our country through this us vs. them rhetoric. Or to levy all of the examples of racism and showcase them through articles and Facebook as proof that Trump is evil or that the “other” is evil.

Let’s try to have a dialogue. Let’s try to fix the issues. We need to fight against hate, violence, misinformation, poor education, and the things that lead to bad life outcomes for people. We need to fight these concepts and their manifestations, not people or groups. It’s not as easy as a people problem. We need to change the shape of our society fundamentally to give all groups love, hope, belonging, and home. We are the richest country in the world. We are an example to many nations of democracy and benevolent unipolarity. We have a responsibility to fix our own problems…constructively.

I get that I am not doing much to this end at the moment. So I can just say this as my opinion. Solutions come with time. For now, let’s just talk.