Time, place, and people have been restructuring me.

After staying for 10 days in a 5-bedroom penthouse villa on a beautiful hill overlooking the turquoise ocean and nested hamlet of Thong Na Pan Noi beach, we moved one beach over on the northwest side of the island to Thong Na Pan Yai and stayed a week at another comfortable house right on the beach. It was an extension of the Longtail Beach Resort. That was pure relaxation.

Yesterday, we ventured over to the sunset side of the beach, the northwest section to Haad Salad beach. The place we are staying is just as charming with a stunning view.

(And some tasty food…yum.)

It’s been an emotional time and intense in the one-on-one talks. The group dynamic that comes with different numbers of people is fascinating. My preferred mode of being is the dyad. It’s just possible to go much deeper.

Given that I’m on this magical island, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about myself, my role in this world, what I really want to do, what makes me happy. I’ve been able to further pinpoint some of the key things that have held me back. The incessant ramblings of the mind, for one. I’ve had a lack of stability in my life recently, which has opened up a much more vulnerable side of me. I decided to deepen that by focusing on some healing modalities.

I walked into Arati Healing Center yesterday for my reiki treatment. I’ve done reiki a few times, and it’s been transformative on almost all those occasions. Klaus greeted me, and we talked about the things I wanted to work on. He also seemed to presume some things about me because I’m a New Yorker, and I didn’t let him get away with that.

“Why is it that New Yorkers always say they’re from New York and not America?” he said rhetorically.

(Um, because we’re all assholes? Duh. And…it’s not “America.”)

“Well, it’s much easier because when I say I’m from America, people always ask me where,” I responded.

A few more comments later, he was satisfied. He was German, had lived in Ko Phangan for 4 years, and was clothed stereotypically in a loose-fitting white linen tunic.

I matter-of-factly and openly shared the key things I wanted to work on, and we talked about how reiki works and the differences between reiki and chakra balancing.

“Reiki is more fundamental,” he explained. “It doesn’t always work right away, but if you want the change to last, then do reiki. With chakra balancing, you will feel very good right away but then 8 months later, the effect will be gone.”

Then I was laying on his massage table, and I could feel energy flowing through me. It’s not something I can really explain, but I do feel that this has helped me quite a bit in the past. Not everything can be readily explained scientifically. Or maybe it can, but it hasn’t yet.

Then we moved into EFT (emotional freedom technique). This modality involves speaking and tapping on certain meridian points in your body to release emotion. I believe many psychologists use this as well. I’m not sure if it worked, but I was certainly happy to give it a shot.

Then he got very woo-woo on me and wanted to try another modality called FastTrack where he talked to my subconscious.

This morning, I was doing yoga, and I felt a burst of clarity around what I wanted to do.

I think I want to move to LA to write and pursue art and music.