Oddly, not really.
Things I don’t miss:
- Meat
- Perma-confusion and mania
- Drunkenness
- Dissatisfaction
- Not knowing where I’m going to be tomorrow
- Stress
- Wasting copious amounts of money on booze, restaurants, clothes, and other consumption items
Some things I might miss:
- Feeling young (I started feeling old when I got to LA. I think I changed.)
- Being around people with jobs
- Direction (forced or otherwise)
- Having one person close to me I can talk to and be myself with all the time
- Bagel shops
- Being able to go downstairs and get everything I want within a 1-2-block radius
- Not driving
- Walking
- Running and not having a completely busted left knee
- Roots – a reason to be where I am
- Feeling like I’m contributing something to the world and not feeling like a bummy loser (only the case some of the time)
- Going to the deli around the corner (around ANY corner) and being able to get an egg and cheese sandwich (I’m so hungry right now)
I am sort of starting to understand the whole East Side-West Side divide, though also not really. Maybe it will finally click in when I move to the West Side. Or maybe it won’t. Is it distance? Is it culture? Is it both?
This period in Silver Lake and Los Feliz has been uncertain and intentionally lonely. It’s been about rediscovering and initiating the process of rebuilding without actually doing the rebuilding part. February was my Silver Lake hideaway period and my introduction to LA, a period when I was open and excited and yet tentative and hidden. I didn’t have a car, so I would Uber or take long walks to the gym. Hours would be spent looking up at the ceiling fan.
Los Feliz and Silver Lake are literally blocks apart, and where I ended up living in Los Feliz is actually closer to parts of Silver Lake than I was when I was actually living in Silver Lake! And yet, they are worlds apart. Silver Lake is like Williamsburg, or at least like Williamsburg used to be. Edgy, cool, artistic, raw. And yet, not even that anymore, as the edge moves further in the direction of the edge towards Echo Park, Highland Park, and who knows what lies beyond that. I haven’t bothered to study a map. Listening to GPS without actually looking at the map moving hasn’t helped. Being generally oblivious to my surroundings hasn’t helped either. Continue reading Last week on the East Side →
I probably shouldn’t write in this mood, especially since I haven’t written anything in this blog for ages, but F it.
This is not a unique thought or sentiment, but happiness in the world is largely driven by the state of your relationships. It’s not really money, career attainment, or the stats of having XYZ wife/hubby, kids, and $XB house. I mean, those things help, but they’re empty without the sinew of good vibes and sharing that bring those things to life and give them meaning.
You may be extremely successful in your industry, but if the only people you interact with on a daily basis are douche-bags, that’s going to be highly unfulfilling and toxic (unless you’re one of those sociopathic douche-bags, in which case it might be okay). Continue reading Relationships are hard →
I wish my brain weren’t so cracked out right now. It’s hard to get the right balance of sleep and wakefulness. Lethargy puts a blanket halo on the world. Sounds up close feel far away. The internal fuzz.
Internal fuzz and emotional pinches have been a theme of the week for me. Life. Work. Meaning. It’s easy to feel fatalistic about the world these days, wondering when it will be our time to go. If we’re just running out the clock, then why keep the clock ticking? I don’t actually believe this, but when I see all the suffering in the world, I wonder if there is sufficient joy to counterbalance this and make it all worthwhile. And what am I even doing to help? There is a mix of hopelessness and shame in how I am spending my time. Awareness is a step towards change. Continue reading Art at the Broad →
Saturday, May 6 was a special day. Gray skies and clouds hung uncharacteristically over the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area as I prepared provisions for the BBQ Pool Party planned in West Hollywood. I don’t know if there is anything actually cosmic about this date or whether “cosmic” phenomena even really exist. In my (pseudo-nutcase yet romantic) mind, I imagined the constellation in a particular configuration spelling out, “It’s yo day, Grace.” Too cloudy to know whether that actually happened or not.
Seis de Mayo is the 1-year anniversary of my last day of corporate life. The day before, I had flown into Chicago to tell my teams in person and on the phone. I had taken the 6am flight from La Guardia into O’Hare and took a car to the northern Chicago office (vs. the northern suburban HQ that I usually went to every week). I locked myself in a conference room and tried to catch my breath. I was still in my executive gear and mindset. Suited, cold, and trying to be as unflappable as possible. When the time came to face my team, I entered another room where most of them were seated in a rectangular configuration. The line was opened and beeps could be heard joining. Continue reading Happy new year! →
My musings on life, travel, and (I suppose eventually) work. Just trying to balance left and right brain, the urge to do vs. be. Easy stuff.
