I wish my brain weren’t so cracked out right now. It’s hard to get the right balance of sleep and wakefulness. Lethargy puts a blanket halo on the world. Sounds up close feel far away. The internal fuzz.

Internal fuzz and emotional pinches have been a theme of the week for me. Life. Work. Meaning. It’s easy to feel fatalistic about the world these days, wondering when it will be our time to go. If we’re just running out the clock, then why keep the clock ticking? I don’t actually believe this, but when I see all the suffering in the world, I wonder if there is sufficient joy to counterbalance this and make it all worthwhile. And what am I even doing to help? There is a mix of hopelessness and shame in how I am spending my time. Awareness is a step towards change.

One of those elusive contributions to our society is art. What is it about art that’s utilitarian? What purpose does it serve? How does it make things better? The quest for expression and communication in a different medium can sometimes deliver the message better into the molecular cores of our being. I sort of buy that. When I look at the Russian Suprematist movement like Malevich, the dada-ists, and other movements that were explicitly political in nature, that sort of makes sense to me. But also in the art across the generations – mainstream and otherwise – you can see a sort of mirror reflected back at you. The good pieces demand you to feel something and to receive some message about beauty, pain, the moment, and social context. I wonder if expression is good for its own sake or if there needs to be a recipient. I tend to think it’s good for its own sake, not to be designed for a mass market audience.

The highlight of my week was definitely going to the Broad museum. I did not look up the collection in advance. To say that I was blown away would be an understatement. Every room was a gestalt moment. I gasped so many times while walking through. It was overwhelming. I’m glad there are things outside the machinations of my own head that have the ability to move me in that way. If everyone could be moved in that way, maybe we would have fewer problems. People would realize that there is this thing called reality but also a supra-reality where maybe we can all just get the fuck along. I have no idea what I’m saying, just writing what I feel even if it makes no sense.