I probably shouldn’t write in this mood, especially since I haven’t written anything in this blog for ages, but F it.

This is not a unique thought or sentiment, but happiness in the world is largely driven by the state of your relationships. It’s not really money, career attainment, or the stats of having XYZ wife/hubby, kids, and $XB house. I mean, those things help, but they’re empty without the sinew of good vibes and sharing that bring those things to life and give them meaning.

You may be extremely successful in your industry, but if the only people you interact with on a daily basis are douche-bags, that’s going to be highly unfulfilling and toxic (unless you’re one of those sociopathic douche-bags, in which case it might be okay).

I’ve been in pretty low level employment positions. I never minded those situations because I liked going into work to see my co-workers and having those connections. I also loved waiting tables!

I didn’t mind going door to door to sell memberships for Massachusetts Public Interest Research Group. My thighs got pretty fit walking for 8+ hours/day.

Selling haircuts on the street and partying at night was fulfilling.

The whole office posse thing and getting black-out drunk at holiday parties was fun once I started having real jobs.

The suits, structure, and executive expectations killed my soul a bit though. It’s hard to have real authentic relationships where you don’t have to watch your back all the time at that level. It’s so fitting that I’m just talking about my work, my obsession. Haha.

It’s all about the people, yeah?

Anyway, it’s really hard to know whether it makes sense to be in a relationship or not. It’s based on your feels. Everyone I know who’s in a relationship is happy a lot of the time but then also in massively problematic and unhappy situations other parts of the time. Singlehood is steadier except if you’re dating, which can also be its own rollercoaster if you’re not disciplined. Trade-offs.

My dating life in LA has been a bit of a let-down. It might be my age.  It may be that people in LA don’t leave their neighborhood. I wrote the start of a song whose lyrics go, “It’s so hard to find a guy these days / With a job that pays / Especially in LA / What do I do?” That sort of sums up part of the issue at least.

One other issue comes about when you actually end up really liking someone, only to realize he is a mirage. What a quandary.

Conclusion – I am never 100% satisfied while single or in a relationship. I think that’s normal though.

Maybe that is the real work and meaning of life – relationships. All these other structures and goals are merely scaffolding.