I believe in artificial deadlines. As May approached, I decided that May 7 was the day I was going to start getting serious. Psychologically, we are inclined to think of life in milestones, in groupings of calendar years and age years, in life events like moves and job changes.

So seis de Mayo came. The months leading up to it had been monastic meanderings to coffee shops in Los Feliz feeling the feels of self-inflicted isolation. I had turned inward and went on some bad dates. Nothing seemed in alignment except my connection to myself to some extent. I have to admit I was dealing with some anger management issues and inexplicable fatigue. Some places just drain you. Some practices just drain you.

My list of goals became less objective. Instead of “lose 15 pounds,” it became “stop giving people second chances.”

My latest life plan as of April 17 looked like this:

1.     Stop giving people second chances except for small annoying things unless they earn back your trust, which is possible
2.     Don’t let people put you down and make you feel bad
3.     Stop going on dates with people you know you won’t like
4.     Drink water
5.     Finish the first draft of your [writing project] by 5/8
6.     Write quality music and put real effort into it – do it well
7.     Cook from a bunch of recipes to start building up your repertoire of stuff to cook
8.     Read
9.     Write business plans for the following businesses: [big list of stuff]
10.  Don’t stop applying for jobs – keep your options open
11.  Meditate
12.  Exercise
13.  Find a place in Venice for June only and then figure out where you’ll be after that
14.  Write lists periodically of things you’re grateful for
15.  Go into nature
16.  Be confident and love yourself
17.  Follow your intuition
18.  Get ready to work hard and put real effort in again
19.  Don’t give up

I just found this list, and I’m kind of amazed because I’ve done all of this. Not all well, but all of it.

Home: I’m living in Venice a few blocks from the beach in an apartment I love. I’ve cooked a bunch of times.

Work: I have 4 consulting clients committed, though I haven’t started working with them. I now have a startup, and we’ve been looking for investors and applying to accelerator programs. I’m being recruited by two places for pretty good jobs.

Relationships: I’ve cut off contact with people who’ve made me feel horrible much earlier than I would have in the past. I meditate and exercise daily. I’ve met some pretty great guys, great in different dimensions. I wish I could smoosh them into one person.

Art: I wrote a song I like, and I’m actually recording it in Eagle Rock. I write daily. I finished a first draft of I don’t even know what it is.

Mental State: I’ve never been happier in my life. Grateful.

 

Grass is greener on this side. (For now. I hope I can ride this wave a little longer before life steps in and course-corrects again.)