Most people go to the Himalayas or a similar setting to sit still (I may still do that later!). I’ve chosen London. Like Pico Iyer discusses in this Ted Talk, he was somehow inexplicably drawn to Kyoto. After spending many years traveling and flitting around, he had a sort of revelation and moved to Kyoto. In a similar way, I am drawn to London. It gives me a sense of ease. My plan is to not really have a plan and sit here for up to 10 days, being alone, reflecting, reading, watching philosophical things, and cultivating a sense of mindfulness. Appreciating time and space. I relate to the notion that you have to be in the right frame of mind to travel. For these reasons, I’ve been traveling the world, not to see things and check things off the box but to really open myself up inside. I’ve been drawing energy from landscapes and friends.

Also, I’m doing something called the 3-day military diet. That’s for another post. Let’s see how that works. It sounds extreme, but I’m not doing it in that spirit. I find that when there’s less motion and stuff and generally more space, I really don’t need to eat as much. Usually, when I eat, it’s more to calm down my nervous system or because of some social situation.

We have inner foundations. Some are stronger than others, and it is often formed by early childhood experiences. Some people will always feel “okay” at a base level even when weathering difficult and uncertain periods of life. They believe they will get through it and have a support system they know they can rely on. Others may have accumulated their millions and billions and yet feel that at any moment, they might become impoverished and end up living on the street. I am certainly in the latter category.

Part of why I’m roaming the earth alone and to see friends is to understand my place in this world. Where do I belong? Who do I know? What sorts of relationships do I have? Which do I want?

My time in Europe has been nourishing in that respect. Friends have shown me so much love and support without judgment, without asking for anything. It is really nice to be the person being taken care of for once, but it’s also a new feeling.

The open invitations to London, Germany, Sicily. Spa day. A simple takeaway dinner. Waking up at 5am after 3.5 hours of sleep and being willing to drive me 2 hours to the airport (which I of course said NO WAY to). Inviting me to just chill at the family house in Mallorca, basically indefinitely, to collect myself. All the information for my trip to Sicily. Helping me figure out where to go and what to do. Brainstorming with me about crossing the Alps and offering me gear and guidance. Patience. Listening. More than listening, making me feel heard.

Thank you for being better than friends. I feel much safer, and my foundation is a lot more solid because of you.

Bleary. Tired. I just got off an overnight flight from Bali to Guangzhou in China and will be heading back to NYC. Did not sleep. I thought the point of booking first class was to have a flatbed. For the past hour, I’ve been overindulging at the China Southern airport lounge. Many plates of eggs, bacon, and dumplings have been consumed. Also a giant bowl of wonton and noodle soup. No exaggeration. Giant.

Mostly, I’ve been wondering how I lost my head and my heart in Bali. It happened so quickly. Earlier this month, I had left the Bukit peninsula with hurt feelings and my poor battered heart in my hands. I had stayed with an American surfer / furniture maker who had been living between Bali, CA, and Hawaii for the past 20 years. We met 4 years ago during my first trip to Bali and spent 24 hours together. When I came back to Bali earlier this month, we spent seven days straight together. Intense. Things got a bit tense between us during this period. Much was left unsaid. I felt like he hated me but wanted me at the same time. It was a mix of emotions, but when I left him and the Bukit a few weeks ago, I needed a lot of solitude and alone time to recharge and heal. I didn’t want to look back. I at least promised myself that I wouldn’t return to the Bukit unless it was on my terms and turf.

For my last two nights in Bali, I decided to return to the Bukit, this time in style. Continue reading Jimbaroo! You only love me when you’re drunk →